"Pa Parla Americano"

Florence. If I knew any non "Dog Days" songs by Florence and the Machine I'd use those for the above. If I knew any songs that captured beauty, happiness and stress, I'd quote them. But right now, I'll just go with a lyrics that reminds me that "Hey I was in Italy that one time".

Big takeaway here was I got to play "coulda been" and see the beautiful campus here and reimagine my Junior year of college if I studied abroad here. Also, you know, the food, beautiful countryside, and old buildings and shit.

Speaking of reimagining, I'm going to put a spin on my usual and just give a "top 10 things" rather than my usual chronological witty analysis. But hopefully with my upcoming travel, I'll have a return to form soon.

Top 10 for Sam's Quick Florence Trip

10. Mediocre NFL Bar Replete with Eagles Fans (Red Garter)

Look, the bar was probably fine. But the truth is, when I walk for a half hour in my Bills jersey, I'd at least like to watch the Bills game.

I guess I should have researched. Or at least come to the logical conclusion that "Sam, perhaps Bills-Titans doesn't hold as much appeal for the expat American community as you might think". Red Garter did have mediocre food, cheap beer, and 4 football games, but none were the Bills sadly. When people are singing "Fly Eagles Fly" all around you and you're stuck checking your phone for updates, you eventually come to the conclusion that "hey, I could just check my phone for updates literally anywhere else". No offense, Philly.

That being said, it made the list for the following interaction on the way home:

[Sam encounters random girl in the street wearing Bills shirt]--- "Heyyyyyyy #billsmafia !!!!! Let's Go Buffalo!!!!!

[Random Girl]--- "Oh my god, thank you, Go Bills!!!!!" (+1 Happiness)

[Random Girl's Friend]--- "She's been looking for someone from Buffalo all day" (+1 Happiness)

[Asshole from across the street, yelling]-- LET'S GO PATS!!! (-10 Happiness)

10 minutes later, Sam jaywalks and nearly gets hit by a guy on a motorcycle

[Driver as he passes, seeing the back of Sam's Kiko Alonso jersey, mistaking it for an actual Italian guy named Alonso likely]---"ehhhh Alonso! Vaffanculo!!!" (+5 Happiness)

9. Old Shit

I'm not sure if you knew this, but Florence is replete with "old shit"! Here's some of it.

Some churches, the Duomo, things I don't remember. It's more of an appreciation of the stonework and effort than a historical appreciation.

8. Original David Statue

This was cool for just a couple of reasons:

i) Did you know that the museum it's in (Galleria dell'Accademia) is free the first Sunday of every month? And guess what day it is... [Mike, the GEICO camel voice cameo here]. Boom! Free museum.

ii) They also have an antique musical instruments museum, which had a Stradivarius violin, which is probably something.

I love the sound of sax and violins.

iii) The actual statue! It's huge. My only question, if David was Jewish (99% confident), and Jews have generally got circumcised (95% confident)... where's the snip of the tip Michelangelo???

David at night, sculptor's delight.

7. Crazy Hotel

"The Student Hotel" in Florence is not some ramshackle student dorm that overcharges American tourists. Actually, it's more like "What if the W Hotel was run by High School students, with their sensibilities of what they think is cool?". This includes the following

i) Giant pink swings in the front lobby

"What's the deal with swings? Is anyone actually using these things?"

ii) free piano playing in the lobby

I regaled... myself... with at least 30 minutes of average sounding pop music.

iii)a pool, that while it looked cool, i never used

I used to really like swimming though!

6. Ponte Vecchio

It's just pretty. Nuff Said.

5. Gelato

If I was a sweets guy, it'd be #1! Here's a sampling of flavors tried:

-Blackberry, lemon-mint

-Stracciatella (italian chocolate chip)

-Crema (plain)

-Chocolate

-Peach

-Honeycomb milk and honey with toasted sesame seeds

Gotta do it! Here's one pic.

"Perche No" means "Why Not?!" As in, "Why the hell would you not eat delicious gelato in Florence????"

4. Steak

Bistecca Fiorentina is a big deal. Literally. Like, more meat than any "The Roadhouse" chain would provide. More meat than a "Ruth's Chris" would deem is a good value. Here's some pics of giant rare steaks and their accompanying meals.

I mean, wow. I tried a lot of out of my comfort zone foods in these meals, including raw cheese, chicken livers, and even tripe... although I was later told by a chef here that "lampredotto" isn't really tripe, it's just another part of the cow's stomach. My bad, that sounds much better.

To really give the flavor of what it's like to have a giant, 1 kilo steak plopped down in front of you, please enjoy this video.

Also, I didn't even order the biggest steak!

This steak, 2 kilos, dwarfed my 1 kilo steak. So sad.

3. Cooking Class

That's right, Sam took a cooking class. This may even have climbed higher on the list if they took us to the market beforehand like they promised! But I forgot to either check my email where they said this, or just google it and realize that the market was closed on Sundays.

All was forgiven! Chef Thomas (not Tommaso, he insisted), taught me and some randos how to cook homemade pasta bolognese, homemade bruschetta, and tiramisu. Couple things before I dive into some pics here:

i) One lady from Columbus who may have set the record for "most unimpressed McKayla Maroney face ever" claimed she writes the dates on every individual egg in a carton in pencil at home. I didn't know such a thing existed before, but turns out that level of anal is a dealbreaker for me.

ii) You can make your own infused garlic oil in the microwave ***really*** easily! just slice some garlic thin, throw it in some EVOO, and nuke it. Why do this instead of just throwing some cloves in a bottle? Ain't nobody got time for that kind of infusion! This works in 2 minutes.

Ok, now for some gratuitous pics:

Don't sleep on those unmarked bottles! One of them had the best rose I've ever tasted. (warning, I do not taste a lot of rose). Also, I *HATE* the feeling of flour on my hands, so please don't ask me to make you homemade pasta anytime soon... or anything with flour. #sorrynotsorry

2. Vespa Tour

This was so fucking cool. I don't care if you've never ridden a scooter, Vespa, or motorcycle before. If you're not seeing the Tuscan countryside on a Vespa, you're doing it wrong.

Few things about this tour:

i) You should absolutely lie and say you have Vespa experience even if you have none. They'll know you're lying, but you'll figure it out along the way anyway

ii) Definitely take advantage of people riding on the back of other people's scooters to take pictures/videos of you

iii)Traffic rules are mere suggestions. Don't separate from the group.

Enjoy it, wave at the locals, and honk your annoying little horn to your heart's content!

1) Villa Le Balze

So Georgetown has a little Villa up in Fiesole in the hills above Florence. Not only do you get an amazing view of the city from up there, but, you know, the place ain't too shabby either.

Had a nice little event here, worked here for a day, and am hopelessly jealous of all of the students here. Reinvigorating!

Random Things:

You know, I was pretty sure "Rule #1 of Fight Club" was not "Don't Call the Cops". Might have missed that though.

-Hilariously, a Chinese couple next to me at dinner one night ordered Steak Tartare, then tried to send it back because it was raw. Can't make this stuff up.

So... eggs here come pre-printed with dates and origins on them.

Moment of Zen: